Yesterday was the day I decided to make changes both in my day to day life, and on this website. After years of struggling with my inner artist, pushing it away, ignoring and isolating that part of myself, I finally decided enough was enough. I guess it was a long time coming, most of my 45 years of life when I’m really honest. This year has been a really difficult year for me for a variety of reasons which I don’t want to go into now, but it has really helped me to put everything into perspective, including what I want to do with my life.
I have changed my website from being a purely counselling perspective to also focus on my journey into overcoming my fear of being an artist. I’m still a counsellor/therapist, and there is still a part of this website that is dedicated to therapy if you are interested in connecting with me in that capacity.
Back in 2016, for my masters degree in counselling dissertation, I undertook a heuristic enquiry into my fear of being an artist, having not undertaken any art since completing my Art A level back in the early 90’s. After exploring and studying myself or around six months, and then writing 20,000 words on the process, backed up with research, I still found it difficult to accept myself, to paint. I had therapy, I did a lot of soul searching. I thought I would come up with an answer, a solution, and naively thought it would completely liberate the fear, and I would fully embrace and accept myself. Nope! not even close. I did a bit of painting, yes, I completed a few online art courses and sold a few paintings, I even had a studio. I had some great feedback on my work, entered a few art exhibitions, mixed with other artists. Well, surely that would mean I could say I was an artist? Nope! I still hid away from acknowledging myself as part of this weirdly wonderful tribe. This only highlights how difficult it is to be what you are, not what you have been told to be (more on this later!).
So, I am going to be documenting my journey with art here, on this website, recording my day to day experiences of being an artist, by blogging, photo’s, video’s and you are very welcome to join me on my journey. I will be exploring my fear, and the process of being an artist from a therapy perspective too.
If you are feeling like this relates to you in some way, either with art, or any other creativity, please do get in touch, I really do appreciate kind support and connections with others.